An Insider’s Guide to The Crescent City

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES (MY JOURNEY TO ADULT-ISH IN NOLA)

On September 1^st, 2006, I moved to New Orleans.  It was just over a year after the infamous Hurricane Katrina devastated the city, and just over three months after I graduated college.  I’d spent those three-ish months living at my parents’ house in St. Louis, doodling around the city doing all kinds of nonsense and mischief, and I decided it was time to start my life proper.  I didn’t want to do anything with my psych degree, at least not yet, and my backup plan had always been cooking, and a family friend told me that you could work at any restaurant in New Orleans if you just showed up.  Everything was starting to reopen, but not everyone had returned, and so the city’s food industry was short staffed.  And that was all I needed to pack my bags, rent a U-Haul truck, and go (with the help of my dad and my sister, and those family friends to stay with while I found a place of my own).

Thirteen years and eight months later, on April Fool’s Day 2020, I entered rehab for the second and final time (hopefully).  And a little over two years after that, I loaded my car again and moved North.  All told, I spent fifteen years and nine months calling New Orleans home, from the age of 22 until I was 37.  It was there that I met, dated, married, and divorced my ex-husband.  It was there that I developed my professional culinary skills, and opened my own business and built it into a success with my business partners, and crumbled under the pressure that I put on myself to be perfect.  It was there that I developed from a serious party girl into an alcoholic woman, and then recovered and grew into a happy, joyous, and free sober person.  New Orleans is where I became an adult, and much later a real human.  And even though I no longer call it home, it will always hold very large pieces of my heart and my soul.

So, it’s safe to say I’ve got a lot I could say about New Orleans – good, bad, and everything in between.  This weekend, the city hosts the Superbowl, and that’s just the start of the best time of year to visit the city, from now through May.  Right now, while it’s the doldrums of winter up here in the North, the magnolia trees are starting to bloom in NOLA.  It is spring!  After the Superbowl comes Mardi Gras, and then it’s festival season with French Quarter Fest and Jazz Fest being the most well-known.  While I could never fit everything I love about the Crescent City in one post – Mardi Gras alone could be a three-part book – what follows is some of the most important info I know about this great city.

A Note For the Sober Folks: I do include some places and activities in this article that are geared towards those who still imbibe. It’s hard to write about The Big Easy and just ignore that layer of its culture. I have tried not to focus on it though. Most bars and restaurants these days offer NA drinks, but if you’re still sensitive to that aspect of life I would avoid The Quarter (and especially Bourbon Street) in the evenings.

SOME THINGS TO KNOW

We Name and Pronounce Things Weirdly, but Act Like it’s Normal.  What most of the world calls a Median (the grassy space in the middle of the road separating cars going in opposite directions) we call a Neutral Ground in New Orleans.  There’s actually a very interesting history lesson here, but I’ll leave that for another day.  Burgundy is berg-UHN-dee, Caliope is call-ee-OPE, Milan is MY-lan.  It’s New OR-lins, but or-LEANs avenue. And that’s leaving aside the nonsense street names like Tchopatoulis (chop-ah-too-lis). When I first moved to the city (and said things the way the rest of the world says them) I was often corrected.  Try not to take it personally! And watch this fun video of people messing it all up before you go.

The Cardinal Directions are Different Too.  You won’t hear a local referring to the normal North, South, East, and West when giving directions – partly because the city is laid out in such a way that the streets don’t run on cardinal directions, and everything is skewed into more of a triangle.  Instead, things are described by Lakeside or Riverside, and Uptown or Downtown.  In general, you can think of Lakeside as North, Riverside as South, Downtown as East, and Uptown as West.  The big right-triangle of the city is defined by Canal Boulevard (running from the river to the lake) and St. Charles Avenue (uptown to downtown), with Carrolton serving as the hypotonous.

The Street Cars are the Best Way to Travel.  There are two main lines, the dark green St. Charles line running uptown-downtown (for over 150 years!), and the red Canal Street line running riverside-lakeside.  This is the best way to both travel and see the city at the same time!  Even if you’re not going to anywhere in particular, I would recommend riding one of these out and back.  Logistically, the fare is $1.25 per adult, and exact change is required.  Alternately, you can download the Le Pass app for tickets, routs, and live updates.  1-, 3-, and 31-day passes (Jazzy Passes) are also available. Find all that info here.

The City is Safe Enough, but You Need to Be On Your Guard.  One of the unexpected things about New Orleans is it’s generally homogenized nature – there is not “good” and “bad” parts of town, and so crime might happen anywhere.  The best advice is just to be aware of your surroundings and don’t be an idiot.  Don’t wander through deserted neighborhoods in the dark, alone and drunk and not paying attention, and you’ll probably be fine!

You Never Know When You’ll See a Parade or Second Line.  We like to have them for every occasion, and while you can find the routes and schedules for those associated with Mardi Gras or other big events online, sometimes you just stumble into one.  It’s awesome.  What’s the difference, you ask?  A parade is generally a more organized thing, run by a krewe or some organization, and there are often throws.  Big parades might have floats and courts and celebrities, but there are also bike parades and walking parades.  There’s even a parade just for pets, the Krewe of Barkus.  Second Lines are more informal seeming, led by a brass band and someone waving around an umbrella, wandering the streets, followed by any number of people twirling napkins or hankies or scarves over their heads.  They’re often used in celebrations, and you’ll see them at many weddings and funerals – and you can read more about them and their history here. Both are great good fun!

Bars Never Have to Close.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  I think it’s just a thing.  But I can’t tell you how many times I was surprised by the sunshine when I finally stumbled out of a bar, thinking it was very late and night instead of early in the morning!  Many establishments have their own closing time, or it’s up to the bartender to decide when there’s not enough business left to justify staying open, but there are others that you can get a drink 24/7. So don’t think the city will help you keep your bed time or regulate your drinking hours – you gotta do that shit all by yourself!

There Are No Open Container Laws.  Want to stroll down the street with daquiri in hand?  Totally fine!  This is the land of the drive through daquiri shop after all, where it’s not considered an open container in your car unless there’s a straw in it.  It is still illegal, though, to drink and drive, or be drunk and disorderly, or to pee in public, so watch yourself!  New Orleans only has one jail, and if you go in on a Friday, you’re not getting out until Monday.  During Mardi Gras it’s even worse, as you will wind up there until Ash Wednesday.  So don’t pop a squat or harass the police horses.

There is Good Food Everywhere.  There are also tourist traps everywhere, so just use some discretion when choosing.  For example, there are a couple of the best restaurants in the city on Bourbon Street, but more there are tourist traps, and if you go just one block over to Royal you’re more likely to find the proportions reversed.  Make sure you try the local fare, cajun and/or creole cuisine – I’ve called out my favorites in every neighborhood below.

Make Sure You Suck the Heads!  This is not dirty, I promise.  Well, only if you consider the mess you’ll make eating crawfish!  There’s a trick to getting the meat out of these tiny crustaceans, but when the boil is good, it’s totally worth the effort.  I would recommend watching this tutorial, but the basic idea is to pinch (lightly, with the thumb and forefinger of each hand on either side of the join between head and body – it will pop slightly with the right pressure) and twist (in opposite directions).  Then you suck the head to get the delicious boil juices. Break off the first section of tail shell and remove, then put the exposed meat of the tail between your teeth, pinch the end of the tail lightly, and pull.  You should be left with a mouthful of delicious crawfish meat!  It takes practice, but it is so, so worth it. And don’t neglect the whole heads of garlic that might come out of the pot, those cloves are fabulous. AND WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS BEFORE YOU PEE!! This is especially important for men, I’ve heard.

Bourbon Street is NOT the End All Be All of Nightlife.  You should definitely see Bourbon Street at least once, have a wander, get a hand grenade (but be warned, they are strong), ogle all the people in all their nonsense.  Maybe even pop in to Pat O’Brien’s for a drink by the fountain, or do a little karaoke at the Cats Meow.  But then move on to better things, like Frenchman Street further downtown, or Oak Street in the riverbend.

SOME THINGS TO EAT & TO DO

The French Quarter & Surrounds:  

This is the home of the infamous Bourbon Street, and its grown-up counterpart Frenchman Street, along with the gorgeous old architecture NOLA is famous for, and countless shops and restaurants.  Most likely you are staying in or very near this area.

• Wander Down Royal Street.  Running parallel to Bourbon, this street is much less boozy and more shops and galleries and eateries.
• Spend a Night Barhopping on Frenchman.  Just past the end of the French Market, across Esplanade and into the Marigny (mare-IN-ee) neighborhood, the Frenchman Street Corridor is only a few blocks, but they are packed with cool bars and restaurants and tons of live music.  There are no wrong choices here!
• Have Beignets and Café au Lait at Café du Monde.  Try to go at an off time to avoid standing in line, but it’s worth the wait if there is one, and it moves pretty quickly.
• Admire the Architecture Around Jackson Square.  A lovely little park for a quick rest, this is the perfect spot to gaze at the infamous St. Louis Cathedral, and the sidewalks around it are usually full of artists and street performers.
• Listen to Jazz at Preservation Hall.  A classic venue, and always a good time.
• Dine on Classic Cajun &  Creole Cuisine.  There are uncountable fabulous restaurants in this town to sample the local cuisine, but one stand out is Galatoire’s for old school class (jackets required for men).
• Get Your Costume On at Fifi Mahony’s.  If you’ve ever wanted a fun wig, you must make a stop here.  They stock everything from the basic brightly colored bob, to elaborate coiffeurs bedecked with sparkles and sass and all the extra, plus super fun accessories and makeup options (glitter anyone??).
• Wander Along the Levy at the Riverfront.  A beautiful, peaceful stretch of park to see the riverboats pass by.
• Check Out Louis Armstrong Park and Congo Square.  Just across Rampart in the Tremé (trah-MAY, lakeside of the quarter), this cool little park is full of history, and on Sundays a drum circle in Congo Square.
• Take a Haunted History Tour.  I was always kind of skeptical of these, until I went on one when a friend was visiting.  It was awesome.  There is so much history in this little section of the city, and a lot of it is somewhat gruesome, and this tour was a great way to learn about it all.
• Expand Your Mind at the National WWII Museum.  And see the Tom Hanks narrated 4-D film on the period while you’re at it, Beyond All Boundaries.
• Tour Mardi Gras World for a Behind the Scenes Peek.  This complex houses the construction and storage of the floats for Mardi Gras parades, and is the next best thing to seeing the live performances in the spring!
• Grab a Muffaletta from Central Grocery and Eat It on the Levy.  Central Grocery doesn’t make the only muffuletta in town, but they do make a good one, and this is the classic tourist stop. PS – a muffuletta is a sandwich consisting of ham, salami, provolone cheese, and olive salad, on a big, round, sesame-studded loaf of bread.  Don’t miss it, no matter where you get it from!
• Peruse the French Market.  There are a few food stalls, a bit of produce market, and the best place to peruse and buy your kitschy souvenirs.  Need a mask, or an alligator head, or some cheap sunglasses?    Maybe want to snack on some raw oysters?  This place is definitely worth a trip!
• Wander Aimlessly and Explore.  The French Quarter has more things to do and see and eat than anywhere else in the city.  I’m sure there are many options for tours you could book, but my advice is to just wander around and pop into any place that looks interesting!

Uptown:  

A large area of the city is considered Uptown, but the areas with the most interest are the Garden District, centered around the numbered streets between Jackson and Louisiana, and the Riverbend, around the St. Charles – Carrolton intersection.  The St. Charles Street Car Line runs from end to end, and is an attraction in and of itself.

• Ride the Street Car Under the Oaks.  St. Charles Avenue is beautiful, lined with ancient oak trees and old mansions, and taking this ride can be an activity in and of itself.
• Explore the Historic Mansions in the Garden District.  This is especially good fun around Mardi Gras and Halloween, when so many houses in the city dress up in their finest costumes.
• Stroll Down Magazine Street.  Running parallel to St. Charles, Magazine Street is lined with many varied shops, thrift and antique stores, restaurants, and bars.  Be aware that there are some residential stretches in the midst, but they make a beautiful break between stores.  The 1.2 mile stretch between Washington and Napoleon is my favorite, but you could continue uptown all the way the Audubon Park (another 1.5 miles or so).
• Grab Lunch at Stein’s Deli.  Located on Magazine Street and Louisiana Ave, everything here is so, so good and it makes the perfect stop on your Magazine Stroll.
• Slurp Oysters at Casamento’s.  A wee little old-school place with odd hours and often long lines, this place is worth seeking out for oysters of all varieties – chilled raw, fried crisp, or chargrilled with garlic and butter and parmesan.   
• Eat on Freret Street.  There’s a half mile stretch of Freret Street between Napoleon and Jefferson that is just littered with great food options, all small local places (except the obvious things like Dominoes and Starbucks).  There are also some great cocktail bars, a few shops, and even a top notch music venue, making this a great place to spend a few chill hours.
• Have a Happy Hour at The Columns Hotel.  A big mansion on St. Charles Ave, with the iconic Southern porch lined with tall white columns, many an evening starts by meeting at this posh local.
• Explore Audubon Park.  This is a beautiful, classic southern park, full of live oak trees draped in Spanish moss, starting at St. Charles and going all the way to the river.  The lakeside section houses a golf course, along with numerous walking paths and bayous.  Below Magazine St, you get the Audubon Zoo and Audubon Nature Institute.  And hard against the river is Audubon Riverside Park, an area locally known as The Fly – a great place to lie in the sun, watch the river go by, and sip on a daquiri (the celebrations on April 20^th often center on this spot, FYI).
• Get a Daquiri in the Riverbend.  My favorite place to grab one is conveniently located very close to the park at the intersections of Carrolton and St. Charles – New Orleans Original Daquiris.
• Eat Anytime at The Camellia Grill.  An institution in the city is this fabulous 24/7 diner.  It’s especially great after a late night of adult beverages, but it did not lose it’s charm after I got sober!
• Spend an Evening on Oak Street.  While the three blocks between Carrolton and Cambronne are charming during the day, with the cute little stores and cafes, it comes alive with a couple of New Orleans institutions at night.  Grab dinner at Jacques-Imo’s and then watch some nightly live music at The Maple Leaf Bar. If you’re in town in October, the Po Boy Festival here is unbeatable.
• Dine on Classic Cajun & Creole Cuisine.  Besides Jaques-Imo’s on Oak Street, two other classics are Commanders Palace in the Garden District, and Brigtsen’s in the Riverbend.

Mid City and Lakeview:  

If you take the red streetcar line up Canal Street past Broad Ave, you will come to the delightful area known as Mid City.  This, for all but my first year in NOLA, was my home.  It’s a great place to get outside.  The pace is a bit slower than downtown, and a bit more casual than uptown.  It’s a place with some great local culture, but not quite so many tourists – except during the Krewe of Endymion Parade, and the last weekend in April and the first in May, when Jazz Fest takes over.

• Check Out the Historic Cemeteries.  There are tours you can take, but you can also just wander amongst the all-above-ground burial sites – we are below the water table, so no body goes in the ground!  There are some historic graves and interesting markers and statuary.
• Eat Your Heart Out at Bud’s Broiler and Morning Call Coffee Stand.  If you’re craving some greasy burgers and fries and/or beignets and café au lait after your jaunt in the cemeteries, these side-by-side eateries will fill you up until your next food stop.  They’ve both had locations in the area forever (though they were both relocated here a few years back) and have cured what ailed me a million times through my years in NOLA.
• Take a Stroll Along the Bayou.  Bayou St. John is a beautiful grass-lined water way where you’ll see all the people and dogs of the neighborhood out for a stroll or a picnic or a kayak.  This is also the home of the Bayou Bougaloo, a music festival geared towards locals that happens near the end of May.
• Drink & Dine Al Fresco at Bayou Beer & Wine Garden.  Great food and great drinks are always on the menu here (try the frosé and the garlic parm fries!), along with cool people, a beautiful courtyard, and four different bars to choose from between the two buildings and the patios.  There are often various pop ups as well, crawfish boils in season (generally from January through June, though it depends on the weather), and a slice of local life that is just divine.  An especially great place to check out before/after Jazz Fest or the Endymion Parade during Mardi Gras!
• Slurp Oysters and Suck the Heads at Clesi’s Seafood Restaurant.  If you want to make a meal of boiled seafood and local favorites like fried gator and boudin (a cajun sausage that incorporates rice), this is the place to go.
• Take a Gander at the Grand Old Mansions on Esplanade.  Walk in the grassy neutral ground under a canopy of live oak brances that feel like they’ve been there since the beginning of time.
• Get Old Fashioned Dessert from Angelo Brocato’s.  Gelato and Italian pastries and hand filled cannoli from this 120+ year old shop make this a must-do stop for me.
• Grab an Iconic Poboy from Parkway Bakery and Tavern.  This hot spot has been made famous through many national media outlets, but it is still my top pick for a poboy.  For the uninitiated, this is somewhat similar to a sub or grinder or hero sandwich, but with its own twist – for one thing, the bread is a very specific light and airy loaf.  There are endless varieties to choose from for fillings, but the best to me are the fried seafoods.  And “dressed” means that it’ll have lettuce, tomato, and mayo.
• Bet on Your Favorite Horse at the Fairgrounds.  There’s a racetrack – opening day is Thanksgiving, and many locals go after their feasts – as well as a casino, and for the last weekend in April and the first weekend in May, this is the home of the iconic Jazz Fest.
• Dine on Classic Cajun & Creole Cuisine.  For a fancy meal, check out Ralph’s on the Park.  For more casual fare there’s Liuzza’s (either by the track or on Bienville) or Neyow’s Creole Café.  And if you’d like the try the very unique Creole Italian, Mandina’s Restaurant is a fabulous choice.
• Marvel Over the Expansive Lake Pontchatrain at the Lakefront.  This one will necessitate a car (or an Uber), but it is a delightful, peaceful place to while away some time.  A popular option is to pick up some boiled seafood at Deanie’s Seafood on the way and have a picnic, or grab dinner at Felix’s Restaurant & Oyster Bar for local style seafood with a waterfront view.  Side note, Felix’s used to have another location in Uptown, and that was the first meal I ate in New Orleans when I moved there in 2006!

City Park:  

With a footprint of three-square miles, this 170-year-old oasis is one of the largest urban parks in the country.  And there is a lot to do here!  This could easily be a part of the Mid City / Lakeview area above, but with so many options I think it deserves its own space.  There are countless pathways to get your steps in – the southern section that starts along City Park Ave is replete with bayous and lagoons and live oak trees and Spanish moss, while as you go further north it has more of an open, prairie feel.  The Canal Street Car Line’s last stop is the perfect starting point for your adventure here, and is where this walking tour starts as well.

• Get Some Culture at the New Orleans Museum of Art.  I honestly can’t say much about this museum – despite my best intentions, my only visit was for a special exhibit and dinner right before I moved away.  But I can say that I’ve heard good things, and I always meant to go!
• Stroll Outside Through the Besthoff Sculpture Garden.  A free attraction curving around NOMA and Big Lake, this is one of my favorite places in the city, especially because the non-existent price tag means you can spend minutes or hours here without guilt.  I usually go for the hours option though.
• Stop to Smell the Flowers at the Botanical Gardens.  These gardens are on the small side, but are beautiful and serene. 
• Paddle Around Big Lake in a Swan.  Rent by the hour from Wheel Fun Rentals and see the trees and the sculpture garden from a whole new perspective.
• Peddle Around the Park in a Surrey.  Also available to rent from Wheel Fun Rentals at Big Lake, these little rickshaw-type vehicles could take you all over the park!
• Have Someone Else Do the Work on a Gondola Ride.  This is one I didn’t know about, but apparently NOLA Gondola offers private 50-minute tours of the bayous and lagoons for two to six people, which sounds delightful!
• Have Beignets and Café au Lait at Café du Monde.  This is another outpost of the famous French Quarter location, but with a much more peaceful atmosphere. (You can also find littler and less atmospheric locations in places like the airport.)
• Take Your Pictures at the Peristyle.  Located right by Café du Monde, this is one of the most popular spots in the park for wedding ceremonies and photo ops.
• Get Our on the Little Greens at City Putt.  This complex has 36-holes between it’s two courses, and highlights cultural and historical themes from around the city and state.
• Entertain the Wee Ones at Storyland.  This enchanted playground has been here since the 50’s and is filled with larger-than-life storybook characters and sets for the small fry to tire themselves out on / in / around.
• Ride a Historic Carousel at the Carousel Gardens Amusement Park.  The home of one of the oldest carousel’s in the country also has 17 other rides.  This park is geared towards the smaller humans, and admission for it and Story Land come as a bundle.
• Explore With All Your Senses at the Louisiana Children’s Museum.  This one is great for children, obviously, but I had a great time here just a few years back, so clearly this is a place for kids of all ages to learn through play.
• Other Attractions:  on top of everything else, most of which is located in the Southern quarter of the park, there are trails, several stadiums, a disc golf course, tennis courts, an equestrian center, places to hike or bike or fish, and two golf courses.  Check out all your sporty options at the City Park website. If you’re in town for Halloween, this is where Voodoo Music Festival takes place (though it hasn’t happened in a few years?), and if it’s between Thanksgiving and Christmas, don’t miss the Celebration in the Oaks, a yearly festival of lights that is breathtaking.

Well clearly I have a lot of things to say and recommend in the wonderful city of New Orleans, but I could go on and on and on… so I’m gonna stop here, but stay tuned for more posts, and leave your own questions, comments, and recommendations in the comments below! Lezze le bon temps rouler, y’all!