Not to sugar coat it or anything, but getting sober is a living nightmare.  I mean, the end result can be happiness and freedom and joy beyond your wildest dreams, but the process?  It fucking sucks.  As I’ve heard a million times, “alcohol wasn’t the problem, it was the solution.”  That might sound nuts to someone who hasn’t walked this path, so I’ll explain – most alcoholics and addicts don’t drink or use for the fun of it, but to deal with the problems and issues and shit show-ness that our life has become.  It might have started out as a fun hobby, but by the time we’ve reached the level of desperation it takes to go through the hellscape that is sobering up, it is definitely not fun anymore.  It is a coping mechanism.  So when you finally sober up, get through the detox phase and to the attempt to start healing… everything hurts.  Your coping mechanism is gone, and you have to actually look at reality and feel your feelings and deal with your problems and try to clean up the wreckage of your past and shit, completely raw, without anything to take the edge off.  To circle back, getting sober is a living nightmare at first.

So we reach the point of no return, where the only options are to travel the aforementioned road to sobriety, or to die or go insane.  We finally admit that we’re completely fucked, and we need help.  We “change our people, places, and things;” adjusting our routines to avoid the places we used or bought our Drug of Choice, the people we did it with, anything that triggers our compulsive desires to pick it up again.  I never went back to the gas stations where I used to buy booze; just the thought of it made me feel physically sick.  And we do a lot of really fucking hard work on ourselves, our mindsets, our relationships.

Eventually, we start to get better.  And then one day, we realize a miracle has happened, and we no longer have the desire to drink or use!  And we feel ok!  Like, the despair is just gone?  It’s fucking weird.  And wonderful.  We start to really rebuild our lives, start to be able to put some of the things back into it that we took out during the worst of the struggle.  I never went back to those gas stations, but I was able to drive past them without wanting to vomit!  And it took a long time, but now I can do almost anything I did before – go to parties, be around people who are drinking, travel the world – and not even consider picking up again.  At least for now, and as long as I keep up with my program and deal with my shit head on rather than trying to sweep it under the rug.

The traveling the world part, though, can be one of the hardest things to put back into your life.  Travel and vacation are weird kinds of lands outside of reality for almost everyone, whether they have an addiction problem or not.  Calories and drinks don’t count at the airport, time doesn’t matter on a beach.  Have a gin and tonic while you wait for your flight to board at 10am!  Drink a bloody mary with your breakfast at the hotel!  Margaritas are served poolside 24 hours a day!  And when you add onto that the anonymity that we gain when we’re outside of our normal places, the ability to do whatever we want without consequences… well, traveling and airports and vacations were my ultimate favorite things while I was still drinking.  Not only was I not judged for indulging as much as I wanted, I was encouraged, and other (more normal) people were right there with me cutting loose.

So not drinking or using while traveling and/or on vacation is a big hurdle of sobriety.  Just like so many things in this painfully awesome process, it gets easier and easier the more you do it, but with this genre in particular, the temptations will never fully go away.  Then how to we do it?  How do we get from home to away and back home again without losing either our sanity or our sobriety?  How do we get to a place where we can enjoy traveling again, and move through the world without being filled with fear and painful resistance??

What follows are some pieces of advice for getting through a travel experience happily and healthily, whether it’s your first trip in sobriety or your eighty-first.

Maintain a Support System:

1. Travel with a buddy who understands and supports your sobriety.  Sometimes social inhibitions can be helpful, especially if it’s coming from someone whom you love, so having a friend can help quiet the voice that says, “no one’s watching, do whatever you want!”
2. Alcoholics Anonymous is bigger than you think, and more welcoming than you could ever dream.  It is rare that you’re going to go to a place that doesn’t have at least one meeting, and major cities have them in spades.  Find them and make a plan to get some support before you leave home.  PLUS in this post pandemic world, there are meetings 24/7 on zoom!  Here is a great resource for finding meetings wherever you go, or get “the chair app” (Meeting Guide).
3.  Make a plan for regular check-ins.  Have a time every day where you will call your sponsor or a sober friend.  International traveling is no excuse – there are still options for WIFI calling via WhatsApp, or face to face via Zoom.

Make a Plan:

1. Don’t plan brewery tours.  Do plan market tours!  There are tours for almost every kind of interest out there, so find some things that don’t revolve around the sauce.
2. Want to do something that includes a free alcoholic drink (like cooking classes and food tours)?  Contact the host beforehand to let them know that you don’t drink.  This isn’t uncommon even amongst people who aren’t alcoholics these days, and most good hosts will arrange for an alternative in the same way they would for a food allergy!
3. Traveling with a group that wants to do a boozy activity?  Find a nice solo activity to do while they do that.  I prefer art museums by myself, for example.  A trip to the spa is another great choice.  Bonus points if it’s something that feels extra special or luxurious to you (like the spa), or if it’s something you know the rest of the group might not be into.  And you can still ask the group if anyone would prefer to join you – there might be some who are just going along with the crowd, but are not really into the plan!
4. Restaurants can be tricky – a nice meal before sobriety always included a nice cocktail or glass of wine for me.  If no mocktails strike your fancy, let yourself have some other sort of “extra” thing you would normally forgo.  Foie Gras, anyone?  Decadent dessert?  You saved a lot of money and calories by leaving out the booze, so spend those caches on something else you enjoy!

At the Airport: 

1. Have a plan for your time at the airport.  I like to make a stop at the newsstand snack shops, fill my water bottle, and then head to my gate to read or play on my phone until boarding time.
2. Avoid the places that serve alcohol.  Need to eat while at the airport?  Get something from one of the quick-service joints where the drink options are all NA to begin with.  Need something to sip on?  Coffee or tea is a great option.
3. Want a nice refreshing beverage that’s not coffee, tea, or soda?  TSA friendly liquid bottles can be filled with mocktail ingredients, which can be added to sparkling water or any other NA liquid.  See my video about this here for more details!
4. In the airport alone and having a hard time with the temptation?  Ask a gate agent to page any “friends of Bill” to wherever you are.  This is the code to discretely find other members of AA (Bill Wilson is one of AA’s founders) and get an impromptu meeting when you need it most.

The first time I flew after getting sober, it was still mid pandemic, which made it a bit easier as so many things in the airport weren’t even open.  And I was going home, flying from my sober house in Saint Paul to see my sponsor and people in New Orleans, so I had support systems on both ends.  But it was still hard!  Even walking through the airport triggered urges, not to mention the memories of the good and the bad moments from my past.  The best piece of advice I have for anyone in these situations – be kind to yourself.  It’s ok that it’s hard.  It’s ok that you’re tempted.  But remember how awful it was to sober up, and that there are millions of recovered alcoholics and addicts around the world that 100% have your back and are proud of you.  Take it one moment at a time, and reach out for support.  It gets easier every time.  I’m proud of you, I have faith in you, and if I can do it – me!  I’m an idiot! – then so can you.  Adventure is out there, go find it!